i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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