If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
