I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
