I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
