Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
