just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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