My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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