butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
