I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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