So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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