just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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