Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
