i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All the doctor said was why
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
