new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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