He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
