I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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