wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
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