So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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