I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
