I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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