genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
