She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
