I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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