we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
