I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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