I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Found the puke drawer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
