You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
