I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
