I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
