I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
