I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
