11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
