In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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