Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
