I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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