I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
