is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
