your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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