party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
