Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
