First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
