Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
