I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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