Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
