hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
