I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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