I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
