I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
