my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
