So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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