My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
