I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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