She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
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well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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