What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
