When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize