im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
