Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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