i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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