Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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