so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
