I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
