I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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