Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
