A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had to cum in my sink.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
