i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
