do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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