Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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