You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
