I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
