Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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