Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
