I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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