Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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