He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me they were just razor bumps!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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