We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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