My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
