She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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