and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
