That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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