she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
