why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
