so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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